FROM THE ONOLLA FILES

Owning the wanting

Sarah Tilley, Onolla’s sex and relationships editor, explains the importance of rituals in getting yourself in the right frame of mind for pleasure 

Sexual pleasure comes when you take the time to listen to your body and breathe deeply. Then, worry will disappear, anger will subside and sadness will change to joy. When you put yourself first and allow yourself to surrender, you are letting the wonder of life in – passionate selfishness is hot!

Rituals are a gateway to a world we might find difficult to go to, so lighting candles, putting on music, guarding privacy with a lock on the door and using a few drops of CBD oil are all ways to help you relax (Kloris CBD available in store only). These simple actions can create a whole world of pleasurable experiences in your mind, body and soul, no matter your mood or how long its been since your last sexual encounter – and we call this ‘owning the wanting’.

Love Scented Candle
Love Scented Candle
Love Scented Candle
Love Scented Candle
Love Scented Candle

Kalmar

Love Scented Candle

£25.00
Calm Scented Candle
Calm Scented Candle
Calm Scented Candle
Calm Scented Candle
Calm Scented Candle

Kalmar

Calm Scented Candle

£28.00

Desire and arousal come with anticipation and longing, and there are simple steps you can take to nurture these important states.Try, for the next two weeks, to take the time each day to enjoy touching as a pleasure practice. Smooth scented oil on your body and explore different strokes: long, short, hard and soft. Build the anticipation of desire as a ritual and in honour of St Valentine's day, whether you celebrate it or not.

Rearrange your bedroom in anticipation of romantic nights in and plan a time when you’re not so tired that sleep is a better option. If you’re with a partner, take it in turns to be on the receiving end of sensual touch; if alone, enjoy the solo focus. Close your eyes (you can use a blindfold, if you prefer) and, with each long stroke, take a deep breath and imagine you are surrendering to pleasure. Allow your body to relax and open, trust and enjoy.

Stillness Body Oil
Stillness Body Oil

Wildsmith

Stillness Body Oil

£38.00
Love Reawaken Body & Massage Oil
Love Reawaken Body & Massage Oil
Love Reawaken Body & Massage Oil

Kalmar

Love Reawaken Body & Massage Oil

£39.00
nourishing-body-cream
nourishing-body-cream

Rhug Wild Beauty

Nourishing Body Cream with Marshmallow Root and Lemon Balm

£40.00
Dream On Aromatherapy Bath & Body Oil
Dream On Aromatherapy Bath & Body Oil

Airatherapy

Dream On Aromatherapy Bath & Body Oil

£28.00

Fantasy is a delicious way to occupy the mind in creative play when you are receiving touch and you can prompt this with sensory experiences – cashmere, leather, feathers, a soundtrack of crashing waves, the taste of chocolate, whatever appeals to you! Playing with desire and reigniting arousal takes creativity, vulnerability and humility, so allow yourself to surrender and see where it takes you.

Intrigued but need a little more encouragement? Sarah’s top book recommendations include The Mirror Within by Anne Dickson and Come As You Are by Dr Emily Nagoski, both of which offer clear and practical information about women’s sexuality. You can also find out more about Sarah’s online courses, workshops and retreats at beautifulspace.uk, including details of her ‘Female Pleasure and the Journey of Womanhood’ programme, or make an appointment for a 30-minute complimentary discovery call with Sarah using the reference ‘OnollaDiscoveryCall’.